Having Faith (Cold Bay Wolf Pack Book 1) Read online

  “Well that’s the kiss of death.” Bill gave a self-deprecating laugh. Faith opened her mouth to protest and he reached out and put his hand on her arm. “It’s okay, Faith. We are attracted to who we are attracted to. I would much rather be honest with myself about my chances with a woman like you. I think you’re beautiful and out of my league, but I thought I’d give it a shot. But I would rather you be honest with me too.”

  “I am sorry. I know it sounds like a tired line, but it’s not you. It’s me. I really wish that I reciprocated your interest, but…” She searched her mind for a way to express to him that this wasn’t really about him.

  “But there is another person here, isn't there? A man like Logan would be a hard one to forget.” Bill had an understanding look on his face, as if he’d read what was going on in her head while they sat here together. Was she that obvious? Was her longing to be with Logan written all over her face.

  “Maybe we should go as soon as we’re done with dinner.” They hadn’t finished eating, and she wasn’t ready to go back to Logan’s home but she was sure that Bill would not want anything more to do with her knowing that she’d come on a date with him and couldn’t stop thinking about someone else.

  “Why? Just because there isn’t that spark there, doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. I don’t imagine you have that many of them here in town.” Bill cut his steak and put the bite in his mouth. Faith pushed her food around her plate, not sure if she had much of an appetite left. She felt horrible for coming here tonight. It was almost like she’d led him on when she’d agreed to this. She’d known full well when he asked her out that she wasn’t really interested in him as relationship material. “I think that you could probably use a friend. If you want me to be that, I’d be more than happy to.”

  “Are you sure?” She’d never really had a strictly platonic male friend. She didn’t have many friends at all. The men she’d dated had wanted nothing to do with her after things went south and she couldn’t really blame them.

  “Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be one of those situations where I tell you that we can be friends and then I spend all my time with you trying to get out of the ‘friend zone’. Honest.”

  Faith took a bite of her food as she thought about his offer. The only person she knew in town, other than Connor, was Logan. She couldn’t talk to him about her need to fight her attraction for him. And if Bill was honestly interested in offering his friendship, she’d be foolish to turn it down.

  “Thank you. I could really use a friend.” She’d gone through so much upheaval over the past few months that she really needed to talk to someone about everything that had been going on. She didn’t know how much she could reveal to Bill, since she didn’t know if he was a werewolf or not. She didn’t think so, but how could one tell a werewolf by sight?

  “So tell me your story. What brought you here to town?” He continued to eat his food, his face bright with interest.

  “Connor. He’s been going through a rough patch now that he’s starting puberty. He was getting in fights, getting suspended from school and the catalyst that sent me here to look for his father was him being brought home by the police after getting in a fight with two older boys.”

  “And do you know the cause of the sudden aggression?” Bill’s eyes searched her face, and his words were cautious, as if he was testing the waters. Was he trying to see if she knew that Connor was a werewolf? “Was it something that was passed down by his father?”

  “Are you..?” She didn’t know if she wanted to say the word out loud in case she was off base. Bill didn’t strike her as a werewolf. He didn't have the same intensity as Logan, he seemed so ordinary.

  “A werewolf?” Bill leaned forward and said it in a low undertone. Then he laughed. “No Faith. I’m as human as you.”

  “Then how do you know about them?” Faith would have thought that the existence of werewolves was something that was kept hidden.

  “I’ve lived in Cold Bay my whole life, same with my parents. It’s not something that's broadcast, but most of the longer term residence know. As I’m sure you can appreciate, things get a little hairy at the full moon.” Bill winked at her as he took a sip of his drink, and his joke eased some of the tension inside her. “I take it that when you were with Logan before you had no idea what he really was?”

  “No. I only found out about it last week when he showed me. At first I didn’t know what was going on, but it’s hard to refute evidence that your son’s father can change into a werewolf when he does it before your eyes. And to be honest, Connor having wolf blood in his veins explains a lot.”

  “So are you going to look for something more permanent here then? So he can be closer to his dad?”

  Faith took a sip of her water as she shook her head. “I really don’t know. I’ve told Logan that we’ll stay here for the summer, but this is all so new for me. And I’m not sure that I can uproot my life when everything is so up in the air.”

  “But what if you and Logan get back together?”

  This time Faith’s denial was emphatic as she set her glass down with a thunk.

  “I’m not getting back together with Logan. I’m here for my son and that’s it.”

  “And yet you can’t stop thinking about him. Are you sure that there isn’t still something there?” There was a kind smile on Bill’s face and that was what kept her from shoving her plate away and walking out. She didn’t want to talk about Logan, she didn’t want to acknowledge that he was right, there was still something between them, at least for her part.

  “I can’t Bill. If you knew how much it hurt the last time, you’d know why I can’t get messed up with him again.”

  “What happened? Was it a messy break up?”

  Faith blew out a breath, and tucked her hair behind her ears. Was she going to talk about this with him? She’d never talked to anyone about Logan before, not even her mother. There was a wound inside her that had festered for years, and perhaps she needed to let some of the poison out. The truth of the matter was, she was here for the summer and Logan would never be fully out of her life again.

  They had a child together, and he’d made it clear that he was going to be a part of Connor’s life. Maybe she needed to finally talk about what had happened, so she could move past it. As it was, she didn’t think she could take much more of the constant battle within herself whenever she was in the same room as Logan.

  “Logan and I were only together for one night.” A blush burned her cheeks as she searched Bill’s face for judgement, but there was none and it gave her the courage to go on. “We met at a party, and that night was so intense. It was my first time and he was gone before I woke up the next morning. He hadn’t made any promises to me but I’d thought that there was something there. It blindsided me when I woke up and he hadn’t even said goodbye.”

  “How old were you?”

  “I was eighteen and Logan was twenty.” They’d both been so young. “I don’t know if I would have been that upset if it hadn’t been my first time. And then I found out I was pregnant with Connor. I was so scared. I went to look for him and all the information I had was his name and where he was from.”

  “And you didn’t find him?” Bill reached out and put his hand on hers.

  “I didn’t find him but I found his father. I told him I was pregnant and left him my number to give to Logan. I waited for two days and no call came. I thought that he didn’t want to have anything to do with me or our baby, so I went back to live with my mother and raised Connor on my own. Now I’m here and I’m so confused.”

  “Because Logan never knew about Connor?”

  “How did you know?” Faith looked at him in surprise. She’d never mentioned what Logan had said, that his father had never told him that she’d been here.

  “I may not run in the same circles as Logan, but I do know him by reputation. He’s a man who takes his responsibilities seriously. I don’t think that’s something a man develops overnight,
and even at twenty, I'm pretty sure that if he knew that you were having his baby, he'd have wanted to be there for you.”

  Could that be what had happened? Logan had said that he hadn’t known about Connor, and because she’d spent so many years believing the worst about him, she hadn’t want to believe it was true.

  “He says his father never told him.”

  “Maybe that’s the truth. It jives with what I know about Logan. And what I know about Mike Sawyer too. I think you owe it to him and your son to give him the benefit of the doubt.”

  Faith looked down at her hands for a second. She didn’t want to be at odds with Logan over what he knew thirteen years ago. So much time had passed and they were both a lot more mature. She didn’t know what he would have done if he’d learned she was pregnant, but she couldn’t hold it against him that she’d been alone for twelve years.

  “So when I get mad will I turn into the wolf man? Like with a wolf’s face and a big body like yours, only all covered with hair and with sharp claws?”

  Logan laughed out loud at the picture his son was painting, and the excitement that lit the boy’s face. Connor had taken the news that he was a werewolf much better than Logan had expected. His mother was correct, he had a easier time suspending his disbelief. Now he was full of questions that were fed by the Hollywood representation of werewolves.

  “No. You’ll look the same when you’re angry. And when you do shift, you’ll look like a wolf not the wolf man.”

  “Oh.” Connor looked a little disappointed as he took another bite of his pizza. He looked thoughtful as he chewed his food. “I guess that’s a good thing, since I’ve been getting mad a lot lately. I wouldn’t want to hurt someone if I was the wolf man like in the movies.”

  “Well you don’t have to worry about becoming the wolf man, but you will need to learn to control your temper. Once you're a man you’ll be a lot stronger than a lot of people. I'm going to take you to see a friend of mine. His name is Mason and he owns a boxing gym here in town. I’ll ask him to start training you.”

  If Connor was typical of most adolescent male wolves, he was going to need an outlet for his aggression. If he didn’t have it, then there was no doubt that he would hurt someone. And with things still so up in the air with Faith and how much he’d see him after the summer was over, he wanted to make sure that Connor had a good foundation before they left.

  “But I thought I wasn’t supposed to be fighting? How does teaching me how to box keep me from fighting?”

  “Right now because you are growing up, you have a lot of mixed up feelings inside. Learning how to box isn’t just about learning how to fight. It’s about learning how to control yourself, and releasing those angry feelings before they get to be too much for you and you hurt somebody.”

  “Did you learn how to box?” There was curiosity in Connor’s eyes, and Logan was glad that the boy was starting to open up to him. Perhaps it was his knowing that he wasn’t alone in what he was going through, or maybe it was just them sitting here talking, but Logan felt that he was building the foundations for a father and son relationship with him.

  “I did. I learned with Mason. His dad owned the gym then. Is there anything else you want to know?” Connor looked down at his plate, and when he looked back up there was a frown on his face. He bit his lip for a second and he didn’t look like he was going to say anything. “You can ask me anything buddy, and I’ll promise I’ll answer.”

  “How come you didn’t come see me before?”

  Logan’s heart stuttered to a stop for a second. His son was looking him dead in the eyes and asking why he hadn’t been around. He didn’t know how much Faith had told him, if she’d told him anything at all. He opted to tell the truth.

  “I didn’t know about you.”

  Connor gave an emphatic shake of his head. “My mom says that she came here to find you, that she told your dad and that you never called her back. My mom doesn’t lie.”

  Logan raised his hands in a placating manner. He could see the anger building in his son’s eyes, and knew it was the stage he was at in his life that was making his mood turn so quick. The sooner he got him to the gym and got him working out some of the emotion churning inside him, the better.

  “I know your mom doesn’t lie. She did come here and she did tell my dad that she was having you. Unfortunately, my dad never told me. I didn’t know you were on the way. If I had known, I would have been there. You’re my son and I would have wanted to be a dad to you.”

  Connor looked away and a frown still pulled his eyebrows together. “Why didn’t your dad tell you? Didn’t he want you to have kids?”

  How to explain to a twelve year old how the mind of an self-obsessed alcoholic worked. He couldn’t tell him that his father had hated the thought of Logan having a child with a human.

  “My dad has some funny ideas, and I don’t understand why he thinks the way he does. I can’t change what happened in the past. Trust me, I would if I could. But I want to be a dad for you. No matter what happens down the road, you will always be my son and I will be there for you whenever you need me.”

  Connor swallowed and looked up at him with a tentative smile on his face. “I’m kinda glad now that I got into some trouble because my mom wouldn't have brought me here if I hadn’t.”

  “But you’re going to keep yourself out of trouble from now on, aren’t you?” Logan was sure that his son would have some scrapes ahead of him, but as long as he learned to control himself and pick his battles, he was going to turn out alright.

  “Yep. I don’t want to see how worried my mom was again. I know she was scared about what was going to happen to me. She doesn’t know but sometimes I could hear her crying at night, and it always makes my tummy feel weird when Mom cries.”

  For the second time since he’d learned about Connor’s existence he wanted to go out to his father’s place and kick his ass for keeping the knowledge of his son from him. If Faith hadn’t had the guts to search for him, even when she thought he had rejected his son, he would never have been able to make sure that his son didn’t go off the rails. She’d already been through so much worry and stress over it, and Logan would have given anything to spare her that. Connor wasn’t the only one who got a funny feeling at the thought of her crying.

  “Why don’t we head home and watch a movie with your mom when we get home?” He loved spending time one on one with Connor, but he needed to be aware that Faith was used to having her son all to herself. He didn’t want her to think that he was trying to displace her, or trying to take Connor away from her.

  “I guess we could if she’s home.” Connor reached for his third slice of pizza and Logan recalled having the same appetite at his age. His son was tall for his age, but he was at the stage where he was lanky and all hands and feet. Then he caught what his son had said. Faith wasn’t home?

  “Where did she go?” It was none of his business, and he told himself that it was curiosity that made him ask.

  “She called when you were in your office. She's on a date with the man from the motel.” Connor plowed through his pizza as if he had no concerns about the fact that his mother was out on a date, but Logan had to clamp down on the need to interrogate his son about what exactly his mother had said.

  “What man from the motel?” He was just asking because he had his son to think about. It was important that he knew who she was seeing because of Connor. Even as he told himself that, he knew he was lying. He wanted to know who she was out with because the possessive feelings he had toward her hit him hard. It was the same as it had been the night they’d met when he’d seen her talking to that other guy. Even now he wanted to know where she was so he could see who had the nerve to poach on what his instincts were telling him was his.

  “The man at the desk. Bill, I think.”

  Bill? She was out on a date with Bill? Logan’s eyebrows pulled together in a frown. He wasn’t a very good judge of what attracted women to other men, but Bill seemed s
o bland. He was a nice enough guy, but to be frank, Faith was out of his league. But maybe there was more to the attraction than looks?

  “Does your mom go on a lot of dates?” This was really none of his business and he shouldn’t be talking to his son about this. But he couldn’t seem to help himself.

  Connor shrugged his shoulders and looked bored.

  “I guess. She doesn’t bring any home to meet me so I don’t really know. My Gran says she has a thing for the boring ones, but I’m not sure what that means.” Connor finished the last of his pizza and wiped his mouth. “Can I go play more pinball until it’s time to leave?”

  Logan nodded and Connor bolted out of the booth and made a beeline for where the pinball machine was located. So Faith had a thing for boring men? That would explain why she was out with Bill then.

  It didn’t make him like the fact that she was out on a date any better. As a matter of fact, it made him more obsessed over it. On the one hand, if Faith did develop a thing for Bill it might encourage her to stay here in Cold Bay and then Logan could be a permanent part of Connor’s life.

  As soon as he thought it, his mind violently rejected it. The notion of Faith with anyone else made him want to rip someone apart. He didn’t think he could stand by and watch her be with another man. But what choice did he have? If Faith really liked Bill and wanted to be with him, what right did he have to deny her that?

  He didn’t even think Faith was looking for a relationship, but maybe the truth was she wasn’t looking for one with him. Bill did have something that Logan didn’t have. He was human, and maybe that was what tipped the scales for Faith. He shoved those thoughts aside. He couldn’t think about her with him and he couldn’t think about her with anyone else. The only relationship he needed to focus on was the one he was building with his son.