Having Faith (Cold Bay Wolf Pack Book 1) Read online

  She stopped just outside the office door and he reached past her to open it. His arm brushed against the bare skin of her arm and the response within him was electric. Was he out of his mind? He needed to keep his distance from her until he found out what she wanted.

  He was all but committed to another woman. For the good of his pack, he needed to keep that in mind. It didn’t matter that seeing her again had brought everything back. The intensity of his desire for her, the longing to have her again, it was all still there. He didn’t know if it was her or some lingering feelings from the past that was causing it all. It didn’t matter. He couldn’t act on it, not if he wanted to save his pack.

  As soon as they were in the office, he closed the door behind him as she turned around to face him. Everything he was holding back came to the surface as the muscle worked in his jaw and he fought to keep himself calm.

  “What the hell is going on, Faith? Why the hell is it that I have a son and you never bothered to tell me. How in hell could you have kept my son from me?” Despite his intention to remain calm, that was an impossibility now that the words were spilling out of him.

  She’d had his child and she’d kept it from him. He had a right to know that his boy was out there in the world, making his way through life without him. There was nothing she could say that could justify her keeping Connor from him.

  3

  “Keeping your son from you? Is that what you think I’ve been doing for the past twelve years? That I have been waiting patiently all this time just to drop this on you now?”

  Faith turned to him and put her hands on her hips. She tipped her head back to look way up so she could see his eyes as he towered over her. Despite the anger there, she knew there was no way that he would hurt her physically. His touch when he'd pulled her out of her seat said it all. He may wreak havoc on her emotions, but she had no fear that he’d use his obvious strength against her.

  “What else am I supposed to think? I haven't heard a peep from you since that night, and now you turn up all these years later saying hey Logan, meet your son.”

  At least he wasn’t denying that Connor was his, but why was he blaming her for missing out on his son’s life?

  “You think it’s my fault that you haven’t been a part of your son’s life? You’re the one who snuck away in the middle of the night without even waking me to say goodbye.” She hated bringing it up, because it hurt her to remember it. That night had been so special to her, it had been her first time and she’d thought that he would have stuck around at least until the morning. But she’d woken up and he had been no where to be found.

  “And you think that justifies you never telling me that I have a son? It works two ways, lady. I may have left that night, but it’s not like you didn’t know where to find me when you found out.”

  Faith looked at him, at the anger on his face and she saw that he honestly thought she’d kept the knowledge of his son from him deliberately. Had that night been so unimportant to him that he’d forgotten that she had come to this place when she’d discovered he’d given her more than a good time?

  “Logan, I was here thirteen years ago. In this bar. I spoke to your father and gave him my number. I told him that I needed to speak with you urgently, that I was pregnant with your baby. Don’t try to put this on me. You’re right it does work two ways but you never called me. How could I have told you about him if I never heard from you again?”

  “Don’t try to feed me some bullshit. I never got your number, my father never said anything about you being here. If he knew you were pregnant with my baby there is no way in hell he would keep that hidden from me.”

  They were arguing at cross purposes, and while it didn’t make her too happy to be accused of lying, standing here fighting with him wasn’t going to help Connor. The truth of the matter was that she’d told his father that she’d been carrying Logan’s baby and that he needed to call her. She’d waited for two days, using what little money she had to stay in the flea bag motel in the next town over waiting to hear from him. She never did, and she’d been forced to call her mother in tears and tell her everything. That her first foray in a life of independence had been a disaster. She had a baby on the way that she was going to be raising all on her own.

  “You can believe whatever fiction you want if it helps you sleep at night. I know that I tried to tell you, that I waited for you to call me and you never did. It was thirteen years ago and not relevant to why I’m here. If I had any other choice I wouldn’t be here now, so if you think that I deliberately waited for my moment to ruin your life with this, think again. The only reason I’m here is for Connor.” Faith crossed her arms over her chest and rested her bottom against the desk behind her. She waited patiently while he processed what she’d said and tried to ignore how the his muscles flexed when he adopted her posture.

  “So tell me why you’re here?”

  Faith looked away from him. She couldn’t concentrate on what she wanted to say if she focused on the way he looked in that tight T-shirt and those faded jeans. This was the most important thing she’d done in her life. The fact that he was angry that he’d never known about Connor gave her hope that perhaps he might be willing to help her find out what was the matter with her son.

  “Connor needs help. Specifically he needs your help.” She looked back at him and his arms uncrossed. A look of concern came over his face, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Regardless of what had happened between them in the past, he would not be looking like that if he was going to turn his son away.

  He walked over to her and put his hands on her arms, and the force of her anger deserted her. She stayed where she was and resisted the urge to moved her head forward to rest it against his chest. She’d been alone for so long, solely responsible for caring for her son and while she hadn’t begrudge Connor a single minute of that time, she was getting to the end of her rope. Her son needed help that she couldn’t give him and she was terrified that this wouldn’t work. That Logan wouldn’t have any more answers for her than any of the other avenues that she’d tried.

  “What is it? Is he okay?” Logan’s voice had dropped down to a soft, deep tone that stroked over her. She should step away from him, she should pull herself together and not let herself get sucked back into his orbit. The broad tip of his index finger came under her chin and he lifted her head so she was forced to look into the deep blue of his eyes. “Talk to me, Faith.”

  She squeezed her lips together to stop them from trembling. She’d been holding in the anxiety for her son for so long that she didn’t know if she could get through this without breaking down.

  “It started about six months ago, around the time Connor turned twelve. It was like he changed overnight. I know that kids go through stuff when they hit puberty and I’m sure I gave my mother fits when I went through it but this is different.” Faith licked her lips as she thought about how she could describe it in a way that wouldn’t sound like either her or Connor were going crazy.

  “What’s he been doing?” He ran his hands up and down her arms and she couldn’t think with him standing so close, with him touching her like this. It made her want to step into his arms and beg him to make everything okay. She moved to the side and his hands dropped down. He must have realized what he was doing, because he looked at his hands as if they had a mind of their own and put them behind his back as he stepped away from her.

  Feeling like she could finally breathe, she tried to put her thoughts into a semblance of logical order.

  “He’s been getting into fights. I know that it’s normal for kids to have conflict with each other, but this is different. He’s aggressive and he used to be the most easy going little boy before this. He’s been suspended from school, I’ve had to ground him which I haven’t had to do much before. And three days ago he was brought home by the police.”

  The muscle worked in his jaw, and his voice got even lower. “What did he do? Did he hurt someone?”

  “Not thi
s time, but I’m so afraid of what he’s going to do. He's getting worse and if I don’t figure out what’s causing this, I’m terrified that he’s going to end up in jail or worse. The day he came home with the police he took on two older boys, both bigger than him and he was the aggressor. When I talked to him after he said it was like there was something inside him, something he couldn’t control. He doesn’t want to fight, but he says something inside him takes over and he can’t hold it back.” She searched Logan’s face to see if any of this sounded crazy to him and she didn’t see an ounce of surprise on his face. “You don’t seemed at all surprised by this.”

  “It’s because I’m not. I went through the same thing myself when I was his age.”

  “So it’s just a phase then, something that will pass? I can take him home and our lives can go back to normal?” She didn’t mean that she was going to go home with him right this minute, but she was unprepared for Logan’s reaction. His face darkened and he came back to tower over her again.

  “This isn’t a phase. It’s something he is going to need to control for the rest of his life, and he needs me to show him how to do it. There is no way in hell I’m going to let you take my son from me now that I’ve only just found him. I’m in his life now Faith and there is no way you are going to keep me from him.”

  She put her hands up. Even when he’d brought her in here and confronted her over her keeping the knowledge of his son from him he hadn’t looked this angry. If he’d been any other man, she would have been terrified of him.

  “Logan, I’m not taking him away from you. I know that he needs you, it’s why I brought him here. But you have to realize that this isn’t our home, we have a life that’s separate from here. I can stay here for the summer while Connor’s out of school, so you can get to know each other but I can’t promise anymore than that right now.”

  “He needs me, and he will need me for more than just a summer. I’m his father, God damn it.”

  “I know. We will have to decide what kind of arrangement we are going to make after the summer. Let’s just focus on you and Connor getting to know each other.” She resisted the urge to run a soothing hand down his arm. She was the mother of his child, but she had no right to put her hands on him. She didn’t even know if he had a wife or a girlfriend who would need to be told about this. As it was, he looked like he had been hit with a sledge hammer as he dragged his hand through his hair. “Look, I know this is a lot to put on you all at once. Connor and I are staying at the motel here in town and we aren’t going anywhere. Why don’t you take some time to let everything sink in and we’ll talk more tomorrow.”

  Faith stepped away from his desk and walked past him. He wasn’t the only one who needed to regroup. She'd thought she could handle it, seeing him again. What had happened was years ago, and she shouldn’t be feeling the same emotions running through her as she had on the night she’d first met him. He may have not known that she had come looking for him when she learned she was pregnant. But it didn’t change the fact that he’d walked away from her on that night thirteen years ago without saying goodbye. She’d gotten the message he intended to send loud and clear.

  If she was going to be spending the summer here while he got to know his son, she needed to shore up her defenses against him, so she didn’t make a fool of herself with him.

  “Faith.” She turned her head to look at him as she held onto the door knob. “He’s going to be okay. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure of that.”

  Faith swallowed hard as she gave him a tentative smile. “Thank you.”

  She opened the door and walked out of his office. For the first time in months she felt like she could see a light at the end of the dark tunnel she and her son were traveling down. She had no reason to believe Logan, but what he’d said lifted a weight off her shoulders. She’d done the right thing by bringing Connor here. And now that she knew just how potent Logan’s attraction for her was, she could take the necessary steps to make sure that she kept herself from acting on it. She’d fallen under his spell once when she was too naive to know better, but she wasn’t a girl anymore. She was a woman and she wouldn’t be fooled by him again.

  Logan waited until he was sure that Faith and Connor were out of the bar before he grabbed his keys off the top of his desk and slammed out of his office. Faith could be lying about being here thirteen years ago, but something about the anger and hurt in her eyes when she denied it told a story of their own. He needed to know one way or the other if she was telling the truth, and the only way to do that was to go have a talk with his father.

  “Alex, I won’t be back. Can you get in touch with Mason and tell him he needs to help out when the rush comes in tonight?” Monday nights weren’t usually that busy, so he was sure that they could handle the bar on their own. His business was the least of his concerns right now.

  “Okay, but your old man has been calling. I didn’t tell him you were back yet, but you might want to get in touch with him. He said something about talking to Mason about the council meeting.”

  Fuck. Seeing Faith and learning he had a son had pushed everything else from his head. He’d forgotten about the council and their demand that he bolster the numbers of his pack. And he couldn’t think about it right now. He’d deal with what he had to deal with when the time came, but his focus right now was on the bombshell Faith had dropped in his lap. Learning he had a son with her couldn’t have come at a worse time.

  “I’m on my way to see him now.” Logan turned away and strode out of the building. He climbed into his truck, turned on the engine and tromped on the gas, sending gravel flying as he pulled out of the bar parking lot. He gripped the steering wheel as he sped down the road out of town that would take him out to his father’s place.

  Could his father have known that Faith was pregnant all those years ago and had kept it from him? Maybe he’d misunderstood what she’d said, perhaps she'd meant that she’d only told his father that she needed to see him.

  He slowed the truck as he made the turn down the dirt road that led to his father’s trailer. His truck bounced along, hitting every rut and setting his teeth on edge. His mood hadn’t improved by the time he pulled his truck onto the patch of dirt his father called a driveway, and when he saw the car that was parked there, his irritation only deepened.

  If Tony was here, it meant that his father was drinking. Hopefully he was sober enough to have this talk because Logan didn’t want to postpone this for another time. He shut off the engine and closed his eyes for a second. He couldn’t go in there with both barrels blasting. If his father was drunk he’d deal with it better if he was calm.

  Once he felt he’d calmed himself sufficiently he shut off the engine and got out of the truck. He walked toward his father’s dilapidated trailer and wondered how he could live like this. To think that the old man had once been an alpha, had once been a proud member of this pack.

  Logan shook his head as his boots stomped up the wooden steps leading to the trailer door. He had so many other problems to contend with that he couldn’t take on his father’s problems as well. If the old man wanted to drink himself to death, he would. He’d started the process years ago, and Logan had spent enough time beating his head against a wall trying to get his father to straighten up. With all his responsibilities as alpha, and now the added complication of a son whose wolf side was rising inside him, his father would have to take care of himself.

  He didn’t bother to knock. If his father had been phoning around town he would be sure that Logan would show up eventually.

  As he suspected, his father was sitting at his table with a beer in front of him, wearing a stained wife beater and equally stained pair of jeans. Logan took a good look at the table in front of him and he could tell his father hadn’t gotten too deep into his cups yet, since there was only one empty beer bottle in front of him.

  He turned his head and Tony sat in the chair across from his father like an greasy turd sitting in the middle of a s
idewalk. He looked just as grubby as his father, if a lot younger. He had no idea when Tony and his father had gotten so chummy, and he didn’t care.

  “Well if it isn’t the alpha, here to grace our presence.” Tony gave him a sarcastic smirk as he took a sip of his beer. Logan’s fingers curled inward against his palm. He was itching to take his anger and frustration out on someone, and if Tony wasn’t careful, it was going to be him.

  “Out.” Logan glared at Tony as he said it, and the bastard had the nerve to look at his father before he did anything. “Don’t look at him. Last I checked you’re still a member of this pack, and I’m the alpha, not him.”

  Tony stared at him hard for a second and Logan’s hackles rose at the back of his neck. Was this idiot drunk enough to think he could challenge him? After a few moments, Tony’s eyes shifted to the side. He slithered out of the chair he was sitting in and he slipped out the door. Logan knew he was going to have to deal with him sooner or later. He was disrespectful and the only way Logan was going to be able to get through the next few months with the pack intact would be if he showed them that he wasn’t going to tolerate any bullshit.

  “Nice of you to barge in here and kick out my guest.” His father stood and went to the fridge. He opened it and stared inside as if it held all of life’s answers. “You want a beer?”

  “No. And you don’t need any more either. We have to talk.”

  His father straightened up and shut the fridge door. “I talked to Mason, and I know about what happened with the council. It’s not ideal, bringing in East Brook and their problems, but if you have to do it to save the pack then it has to happen.”